Yeah, I’ll Call You Posted by Hannah on May 10th, 2008

There’s a little situation that’s been kind of bothering me lately, involving one of my friends. I’d like to have your opinions on it.

I’m confused.

I have this pretty close friend, and we hang out normally every week if possible. We like to go shopping, try new restaurants, listen to music together, watch movies together, and things like that. Just normal “friend” stuff. It seems to me that when we’re together, we have a pretty good time. I consider her to be one of my best friends.

Lately, I’d say probably the last two months or so, things have changed with her. Here are my main issues with her right now:

1) She doesn’t seem to be as excited about life anymore. When we’re together, it’s like she’s sitting there with me, but mentally she isn’t “there“. Does that make sense? I notice she stares off into space a lot, and her usual vivacious attitude isn’t as vibrant as it used to be. She pretends to be happy, but I can tell she’s putting on an act. It’s starting to seem fake.

2) I’m an avid texter. I LOVE text messaging. I often text my friends throughout the day instead of calling them, since my phone service doesn’t get free minutes until after 9 PM. So, I’ll text her, and she doesn’t reply. She MAY reply hours later or so, when before, she used to reply to my messages within minutes. Now, I’m lucky if she replies to my messages at all! So, I’ve been cutting back on the messages.

3) When I do manage to get hold of her, our phone conversations tend to be very short. She always tells me, “I’ll call you back later,” and she never does. What the?

I’ve noticed these obvious changes in her personality, so naturally, I’ve tried talking to her about it. I’ll ask her, “what’s wrong? You’ve been acting weird lately,” and in this dazed manner she’ll blow me off by making excuses. Like, “oh, I have to go do laundry at home later and I’m not looking forward to it”. Okay, I’m not that stupid, I know it’s more than that! I’m polite though, so I don’t press her for information she’s clearly not ready to give.

About the text message thing…she used to reply to me so fast, and on a daily basis she ignores my text messages now. How do I know she’s ignoring them? Well, she has one of those little phone holders that clip onto your belt/purse, and she ALWAYS has hers clipped onto her belt. I KNOW she checks the messages right away, and I’m aware that means she’s ignoring me.

It hurts my feelings and confuses me why she’s doing this. It makes me feel like I’m an annoyance to her. We used to talk to each other all the time, we’d text back and forth and talk on the phone for like an hour, and now that doesn’t happen anymore. We do still hang out, but it’s not like it used to be. Obviously, there’s something on her mind. Even though I’ve tried a few times to talk to her about it and find out what’s bothering her, she brushes it off like nothing is wrong. It’s frustrating!

I did a childish experiment yesterday. I admit it’s really stupid, but I tried to do the same thing to her that she’s been doing to me. She (amazingly) texted me in the morning, and I ignored it. About an hour later, she re-sent the same text message, apparently thinking I didn’t receive it. I ignored that one too. About two hours later, she sends me a text message saying something along the lines of, “Hey, why aren’t you replying to my messages? What’s the deal?!” I ignored that one too, and then about half an hour later, she calls me. She’s like, “Hey, how are you? What’s going on?” and I said, “I’m okay, nothing much has been going on today, how about you?” and the conversation lasted about 45 seconds and then I told her, “Yeah, I’ll call you.” And, of course I didn’t. Because, that’s what she always does to me.

I know that was an immature thing to do, and I guess after this crap occurring for the last few months, I wanted her to see what it’s like to be blown off. She didn’t like it. Neither do I! I felt bad about what I did, so a few hours later, I texted her and apologized for not replying to her messages because “I was busy most of the day”. Which is true, I was helping my mom clean the house, and I had several graphics orders I was working on, and things like that. That message, of course, was ignored by her.

I don’t want it to be like this. I know my experiment yesterday was not helpful at all, it didn’t make things better; she only got confused and upset. I want our friendship to go back to normal, but I don’t know what to do about it. I’m the same as I’ve always been, and she has changed drastically. I don’t know if it’s me, or if things in her life are starting to get to her (I think it’s the latter).

What am I supposed to do? Do I leave her alone, or do I try to talk to her about it, even though she’s been blowing off my concerns when I’ve tried discussing it before? I want things to go back to normal.

Filed under: Family & friends, You tell me

13 Responses to “Yeah, I’ll Call You”

Jamie
May 10th, 2008 at 10:59 pm
Aww hun, I feel sorry for you. I’ve had this happen to me while I was in junior high and part of high school.This girl would break off our friendship for two weeks and than come back nice as pie. She even wrote me a nasty letter to me. I wrote her back with out cussing at her like she did me, and that hurt. So I know what you’re going through. Just give it time, like a week or so and try to call her when a week’s up and just come on out and ask her did I do something wrong to make you hate me? Just give it time. She’s probably going through some kinda of drama at home or is on her way to being the b*tch friend that noone wants. Again, I feel sorry for you. This shouldn’t happen to a good friend like you. Chin up and hope for the better!
Cecilie
May 11th, 2008 at 9:22 am
I can’t really say I that I have a good explaination for this nor a good advice. I do however think that you should not contact her for a while and see if she gets back to you or not. Other than that I don’t really know, if she doesn’t want to talk about her problems there’s not really that much you can do except showing that you’re there for her.
Chelsea
May 11th, 2008 at 2:18 pm
Aw, that sucks :\
I hate when friendships get complicated. I remember one of my two best friends who I’ve known for years just all of a sudden didn’t answer texts or come out any more, and I just got her alone with no distractions (haha, cornered) and asked her ‘what’s wrong?’. Turns out it was my other best friend who I didn’t realise was there with me all the time that had said something upsetting to her.
Long story short - don’t get down about it, I’m sure that she’ll either tell you what’s been up with her or, if not, then she’ll maybe just drift away - something I don’t think can be helped :\
That wasn’t really advice - just hang on in there and be there for her.
Britney
May 11th, 2008 at 9:26 pm
I don’t really think you what you did was bad. Sometimes it’s good to give people a taste of their own medicine so that they realize just how much it can hurt someone.
Christina
May 12th, 2008 at 4:55 pm
I’ve been ignoring texts a lot lately. There’s no real reason for it, though. I’m usually just doing something with other people and I don’t want to be rude by texting someone else. But if it’s been going on for a while, try talking to her about it.
Jessi
May 12th, 2008 at 7:41 pm
My guess is that you two are just slowing growing apaprt. Maybe she’s spending more time with other friends and pursuing other interests. I’ve gone through this with a few of my friends, and it can be very painful. But I try to talk to them every once in a while at least.

My advice is to sit her down and tell her flat-out what you told us. Maybe this IS what’s happening, and if both of you don’t want to grow apart, you guys might be able to figure out a way to stop it, like make sure you have time for each other at least every other week, or something.

Good luck!
kc*
May 13th, 2008 at 1:12 pm
I know how you feel. Maybe there is something going on in her life that she’s not ready to talk about. I mean, just continue to be a good friend and I’m sure things will turn around. Maybe one day she’ll let you know what’s really going on. Hopefully things get better! It sucks to lose a friend.

And about the little experiment, I’ve done that before and it made the situation worse.
Kelsey
May 13th, 2008 at 5:43 pm
My advice: Just talk to her. Call her (don’t text her; calling’s more personal) and tell her that you need to talk to her. Find a place where there aren’t a ton of other people, sit her down, and ask her what’s wrong. She might be going through something tough right now, so try to be as sympathetic as you can towards her. Try to focus on her and what she’s going through, rather than how her behavior is affecting you. However you do it, find out what’s bothering her. Don’t leave anything half-said, because that will just make things more complicated..

Good luck! Make sure to tell us what happened
Brandi
May 13th, 2008 at 8:46 pm
This is really weird… you’re always blogging about my own experiences. I always thought we were a little bit alike, but this is just crazy ha ha.

Anyway, I’ve had similar situations and you’re not immature for pulling that “experiment”, because it honestly works.

Perhaps she was either having off days or she is changing/loosing interest. Do you think maybe having a serious boyfriend is the problem?
Candygirl
May 14th, 2008 at 1:40 am
Mh.. I really don’t know you much but I can say that maybe giving her a little space? she has come after you because she needs a friend, so maybe she has problems right now and can’t focus on other things.. just give it time..
I really hope everything works out ok.. and tell her what you feel, also.. maybe she doesn’t notice what she has been doing..
Id
May 14th, 2008 at 11:41 am
It hurts when people who we are close to suddenly change their behaviours toward us. I have seen that with some close friends in the past, and it’s really painful. I personally wouldn’t have conducted the experiment that you did, but that’s just a matter of personal preference. However, I am glad that you were able to see how she reacted when the tables were turned.

I guess the best thing is to give her some space. Perhaps message her (or email her?) stating your concerns about you two not talking as much and that you miss it, and then say that you’ll be there for her if she needs to talk. There may be an underlying issue in her part that she may need to come to terms with in her own terms before approaching anyone else.

But I would give it time. Great friendships overcome things like this, and chances are that you’ll become closer. Hang in there! =)
Shawna
May 18th, 2008 at 2:35 pm
I feel your pain. I know I’ve had a couple friends like that. I agree with Id. you should probably confront her about it. thats all you really can do.
cris
May 19th, 2008 at 8:56 am
okay she is hurt acting strange because probably something important and upsetting is happening in her life and you made her even more unhappy and upset… you dont have to think of how bad YOU feel, because you’re going to be a “bitch” over and over again then if you think about yourself, you have to think of how bad SHE feels, this is the important right now, if she doesn’t want to tell such a close friend like you, means you should start worring a little. maybe it is nothing grave, but what if it was? you would have acted like a kid instead of trying to help her. it is hard to tell people about our problems, you asked her once, on the phone, just face her, tell her you’re there for her, DONT EVER GIVE UP ON PEOPLE just because it’s hard to understand and help them, you might regret it. best of luck for you both!