Let Him Learn

Posted by Hannah | Filed under Emotions, Family & friends

Before I go off and start ranting, I just want to make a quick note on my last post. I had read the suggestion Munin gave me about taking a damp wash cloth and “massaging” my iMac’s screen. So, I did that; I sat there for like ten minutes or more, lovingly massaging my screen as if it were a long lost lover or something. Turned the computer back on, and the blue line was still there, unfortunately. :( I also read Mallory’s comments, those were very helpful (thank you) and I plan on trying that next.

Anyway…on to what this post was originally supposed to be about:

Okay, let me start by saying, that I am a really good sister. I do nice things for my brother, such as cook him meals or make him snacks, sometimes I’ll even do his laundry with mine…and I’m always polite to him, and try to have conversations with him and he usually acts like he wants nothing to do with me.

My younger brother is 18 years old, and ever since we were kids, the scenario has always been like this: I’m way too nice to him, and he always treats me like crap. He’s rude, he yells at me, he makes mean, snippy comments for no good reason. Sometimes he treats me like an annoyance, and I honestly don’t understand why. I don’t know what his problem is, but I’m sick of taking this treatment from him, because I do not deserve it. For the sake of trying to somewhat preserve peace, I normally just let him ridiculously rant and rave and let it go. And, even that courtesy is too nice for him because most of the time it doesn’t work…he’ll yell and rant and I’ll be silent, and he thinks he’s gotten away with the mean things he’s said; in other words, it inflates his ego even more by making him think he’s “right”. Although, when I do fight back and stand up for myself, it usually backfires. Generally, he’ll keep on and on, getting louder and nastier, and the incident progresses into a hurtful yelling match until I get tired of arguing and back down. And, again, he thinks he’s right. No strategy seems to work except for trying to avoid him altogether, and since we live in the same house, it’s impossible!

My brother graduated from high school a few weeks ago. He will be attending the same college I am currently going to, in the Fall semester coming up. Because I’ve been going to this school for a long time (admittedly, a bit too long, because I’ve made some mistakes) I wanted to help him sign up for his classes since online registration is now open to the public.

I’ve gone through many semesters, classes, and professors. I’ve had bad experiences in which I learned valuable lessons, and I’ve had bad professors who’ve made taking their class very difficult. I know who the best professors are, and who the worst ones are; I know which classes to take are the best and most enjoyable, and I know which ones are easy and which ones are challenging. So, needless to say, I have a lot of knowledge that to him, a soon-to-be college student, could benefit from.

But, oh no, of course not. He always wants to be in control. He never wants to admit he may need advice or help from someone, and he wants to believe he’s Mr. I’m Always Right. It’s sickening! I casually asked him what classes he was thinking about signing up for, and he proceeded to launch into this holier-than-thou speech, telling me he didn’t need my help and to leave him alone. He also made this hilariously inaccurate comment saying, “Look, I don’t care what professors you think I should take. It doesn’t matter who teaches a class! Who’s teaching me makes no difference in what grade I make, because I learn from the book. I don’t listen to the teacher, because the textbook will tell me everything I need to know.”

LOL, little bro, you are quite WRONG in that statement! Many professors tell you to buy the required text, and often they don’t even teach from the book. Every professor is different, but I’ve found that professors generally teach by lecture. So, you MUST listen to them. You MUST take notes. You MUST pay close attention, or else on the tests and quizzes, you’ll be horribly confused because the questions may not be from the book, but instead from the oral lecture that was given in class. What if the professor doesn’t speak clearly? What if he/she has a very strong accent that’s hard to understand? What if he/she has a teaching style that isn’t suitable for your learning capabilities? All of these factors need to be considered, and since I have experienced all of this, I feel he should take my advice.

This isn’t high school anymore. This is college, where things are not taught only straight from the book.

I tried to be nice, but he didn’t want any part of it.

Oh well. He’ll learn. He’ll make mistakes and learn the hard way.

I just worry about our brother/sister relationship. I see how my mom and her brother (my uncle) do not talk to each other anymore because of their differences. Though my mom has always been kind to my uncle, he has his ideas rigidly set in his mind, and he shuns her, basically. It’s like history is repeating itself. I don’t want to grow up into an independent adult, and be in my forties and not have my brother involved in my life. I want my future kids to have an uncle…but at the way things have been going for all my life with him, it just seems like no matter how nice I am, and no matter how hard I try, we are simply growing further apart.

Permalink | Comments (9) | Jun 5, 2008

9 Responses to “Let Him Learn”

  1. Marsadie Says:

    June 5th, 2008 at 7:24 pm

    ♥

    Don’t worry. At least you are making the effort. Tough times he’s gonna go through will make him realize how much you are there for him, big sis.


  2. Alanna Says:

    June 5th, 2008 at 7:27 pm

    He sounds really annoying, to be honest. He’ll learn the hard way though.


  3. Holly Says:

    June 5th, 2008 at 7:29 pm

    Darn! I was hoping some of those suggestions would work for you. :( Maybe you should just go to the Mac place and see if they know what’s going on.
    As for your brother, well I’m an only child so I don’t think I’m really the best person to give you advice, but I can definitely understand your wanting to help him, especially since he’s going to be doing the same things you are.
    Maybe you should stop suggesting things and just tell him that although he might not want it now, he can still ask you for advice and stuff if he ever does need it, which he most likely will eventually.
    I hope things work out, and he eventually does catch up with you maturity-wise and realise he actually has a pretty awesome sister. :)


  4. Munin Says:

    June 5th, 2008 at 8:14 pm

    I’m sorry my advice didn’t help, I was hoping it would! Very sorry. But you should take it in to an Apple store now that you know it’s more serious.

    As for your post, I go through the same thing with my brother. I do a lot of things and worry over him and he ends up barking at me and biting the hand that feeds him, so to speak. It used to be a lot worse in the past, he used to physically beat me and such. It was pretty awful.

    But things have improved now that we’re forced to share a room (a two bedroom apartment, woe). Though I long for my own space, I think I’m glad because our relationship has improved.

    Don’t get me wrong though. He’s a freakin’ slob and still an ass at times.

    I’m not sure what to tell you here, since this situation sounds exactly like how we used to be prior to moving into the apartment.

    He will eventually realize that when he’s crashing and burning, you had reason. There will come a time when he will say he’s Sorry and want to make up, be it now or a few years down the line.


  5. Kimm Says:

    June 6th, 2008 at 12:48 am

    Little brothers can be a handful at times when they don’t want to listen. You’ve done what you can now all you can do now is let him see what the real world is like with his own two eyes. If he asks for help then give your advise and help, if he doesn’t then don’t say a word which will make him grow up a lot faster (hopefully)


  6. Britney Says:

    June 6th, 2008 at 1:52 am

    I don’t have a brother, so I can’t say I know how you feel. However, the part about him never wanting to admit he’s wrong and always thinking he’s right sounds like my boyfriend LOL.


  7. cris Says:

    June 6th, 2008 at 8:11 am

    i am an only child so i never experienced this. i just see my husband and his sister and they are so close, i guess it depends on the fact she is 9 years older than him and has been like a second mom for him, they never felt jealousy for eachother, many times the problem is that parents couldn’t teach the siblings to live happily together- i dont say it’s your parents’ mistake, it seems they taught you how to be nice with people and it seems he didn’t learn at all how to, not even with his own sister, or even worst, not even with a person who is nice with you, it’s sick he attacks you like that when you dont deserve it at all, damn he is 18, at first i thought you were talking about a 13 years old kiddo, seriously, of course men take longer to grow up but around 18 they should already be some kind of “in peace with the world”, out of the teenage drama you know, it seems he has much anger inside of him and he needs some “enemy” to scream all his anger to- i’d just keep ignoring him. i mean, it’s sad to give up on people, sometimes you dont and you reach your purpose and make a relationship better, but you didn’t give up until now and all you got was insults, well you are just 20 and looking for your own peace of mind so let him go and make his mistakes, you are not his mom, he already has a mom. love ya girl


  8. Kiara Says:

    June 6th, 2008 at 9:39 pm

    I know how you feel. My little brother is an alcoholic and a druggie, and is now twenty years old. He’s been like this since he was twelve. When he used to live here, he’d come home drunk and violent (well, he was always violent, but more so when he was drunk) and I’d either have to physically kick him out, call my big brother, or call the police (yes, I called the police on my little brother - several times). He used to steal our cars, he got into about ten wrecks in my mom’s old trailblazer (that we know of) and mom’s still paying the debt from getting it fixed after all those wrecks - the debt was so much that my mom couldn’t afford the monthly payments, so it got repossessed. He likes to call us at four in the morning telling us to come get him for wherever he is, and take him back to his apartment in Grapevine.

    I’ve given up on my little brother. I don’t take things to him, I don’t give him rides anywhere, I don’t loan him money (because I know he’ll use it for drugs or booze), I rarely even answer the phone when he calls. I’m not saying that’s what you should do, but I got tired of the emotional and physical abuse (he tried to kick me in the stomach when I was eight months pregnant with Ariel). My grandmother, who I live with, won’t let him live here anymore. None of us want him around my daughter, and once Ariel & I get our own place, he won’t be allowed there - ever. I refuse to allow alcoholics and/or druggies around my kid.


  9. Christine Says:

    June 12th, 2008 at 8:21 am

    I don’t have any siblings, so I don’t know what it’s like to have to deal with a little brother or sister, but I can say you’re absolutely right about listening to a professor. Most of the time, the textbooks are assigned reading which is not gone over in class and it’s more to benefit you, and from my experience only a small portion of it has been on tests and exams.

    I hope your brother doesn’t have to learn the hard way that going to class and paying attention and taking notes is how you have to learn in college. It’s so much different from high school. I’m sorry he didn’t listen to you and I hope he makes the right decisions when he gets into the classes.